The un-birthday birthday cake. – The Gentleman’s Cake: Coffee & Walnut

What happens when the birthday boy can’t eat his cake? Easy. I eat it and it becomes my birthday cake. Only, it isn’t my birthday, so it’s my un-birthday birthday cake – hence the title of this post. 

It’s a berry nice area, actually – Blackberry & Elderberry Jam & an Oaty Crumble

Blackberry & Elderberry Jam

Not only do we have a community orchard, but sidle down any of the walkways around East Manchester and amongst the discarded mattresses, tyres and plant pots you’ll be amazed at what you can find.

Raspberry & White Chocolate Muffins

Gorgeously sweet muffins, oozing with plump juicy raspberries and hunks of creamy white chocolate.

We chose this recipe especially as we had an abundance of raspberries whilst on the Isle of Skye, you could substitute the raspberries for other soft berries: blueberries, or blackberries, for instance – whatever you have.

We served our Muffins with more fresh raspberries, but they’d be as scrumptious with cream, or ice-cream, or even on their own, warm from the oven.

Cake. Lots of.

Chocolate Heartache Cake

Once upon a Sunday, not so long ago, twelve people became gloriously gluttonous and fat, frankly. 

It all began one lousy pudding (cottage cheese cake) fuelled evening, but none of us could have known back then the sheer amount of cakes, puddings & sweet treats that could be baked and consumed by twelve mere mortals (not that we looked it in the throes of snaffling). 

The challenge was this: Bake, or concoct, a dessert from scratch, bring it to a house filled with eclectic pieces of loveliness, dress nicely (unwritten rule, adhered to by all, or at least most), eat a piece, (slice, morsel, hunk, chunk… whatever) of every dessert on the table, and finally, score desserts according to the following criteria:   

Best dressed cake   

Best tasting cake   

Most original & creative cake   

Most skilled   

Best effort   

Most sickly (in a good way, of course)   

___________________________________   

We, of course, discussed the ins and outs of the categories before making our judgements, though there was a slight air of confusion, and tittering, might I add, when ‘best effort’ was placed literally, rather than ironically – or was it the other way around?   

We awarded a winner for each category (whoever received the most votes for the particular category won) and an overall, 1st and 2nd place, based on the cakes that were voted for the most, and second most, times across all of the categories. It was difficult to judge, what with being stuffed so full we rolled around like big, fat juicy peaches and we were practically delirious due to the amount of sugar running through our systems, but we did it in the end. 

I think lots of fun was had by everyone and we’re eagerly anticipating the next bake-off, as it were. I’m plugging pies and ale for the next one!

So, the exciting bit… here’s what we baked (I did the chocolate cake a the top of the page & the drizzle cake at the bottom):

Banana Loaf

Banana & Pecan Cheesecake

       

Carrot Cake

Chocolate Bombe

Vanilla Cheesecake

German Cupcakes

Chocolate & Nut treats

Chocolate Nuts

 

Coconut Macaroons

The winners were …

 In 2nd place ‘Decorated Cakes’  

 

in 1st place my (I know, getting bashful now) Lemon & Lavender Drizzle Cake 

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Lemon & Lavender drizzle cake

This is not a yolk – seriously good Meringues

I had leftover egg whites, so I made meringues. Shiny, light, melt-in-the-mouth, crunchy, chewy meringues.

Meringue recipe:

egg whites (as many as you like)

castor sugar (50 grams per egg white) 

white vinegar (for the chewy bit in the middle)

In essence, having only three ingredients, meringues should be the easiest dessert in the world to make, but there are rules that must be adhered to when making meringues.

Rules:

Everything you use must be spotlessly clean and dry – bowl, whisk, hands… The best bowl to use (this also applies to ‘how to wear a bowl as a hat and look good’) is a metallic, or glass bowl – plastic retains the grease and stops your egg whites from growing in to humongous fluffy clouds. When separating your eggs, you must do it with precision - I’m not yolking around here.  Add your sugar a grain at a time. Finally, whip those whites until your whisk breaks, like mine did – whoops!  

The recipe:

1. Pre-heat the oven to 150°C. Separate your egg whites and place in a clean, dry bowl (save your yolks for making crème brûlée, yum). Whisk your egg whites ferociously until they begin to thicken and have begun to form soft peaks (it’s ok if they flop a little at this stage).

2. Add a teaspoon of vinegar and fold in.

3. Now it’s time to add the sugar, steady on! A spoonful at a time is about right. Add a spoonful and whisk. Add a spoonful and whisk. Keep this going until you have shiny, stiff peaks. I would recommend the old trick – tipping the bowl upside down to see if the mixture remains rigid – if only for a laugh if it doesn’t! If you think they’re stiff enough, give them another little whisk, just to make sure.

4. Spoon, or pipe, the mixture on to a sheet of baking paper (don’t be tempted to just use a tray, they will stick). You can make tiddlers, or great big fatties, it’s up to you.

5. Place in the oven and immediately turn down to 130°C.  Bake for 2 hours and then turn the oven off completely. Leave the meringues in the oven, with the door open ajar, until the oven is completely cold – this is to dry the meringues out, so that they are light and crunchy. Store in an air tight box.

I also made ‘Raspberry Squish-Squash’ to spoon over my meringues, which is exactly as the name denotes – raspberries squished and squashed (like the way you used to do with Maragret Thatcher, in your hand). Finally, I added a sprig of fresh mint – deliciously cool and refreshing, balancing the sweetness of the dessert.